The Single Married Woman

I met Lola my wife at a petrol station, and the minute we said hello I could tell it wasn’t going to end with just a goodbye. We bought petrol from the same pump and then very shortly after, both our cars wouldn’t start. It took a while before we realised that the petrol was contaminated. I couldn’t leave a lady all by herself, so we pushed my car to a spot in the petrol station and called a friend to come and get mine to take the mechanic.

I was hell bent on making sure she got home safely, so I more or less  forced her car to move by revving the engine really hard at intervals. Eventually we got to her place. She offered me a drink and we chatted for about an hour. it was dark when I was ready to go and she saw me off to the bus stop to get a taxi home. I was about to get into the Taxi when I realised that I had left my wallet in my car. I had to walk all the way from Agidingbi to Toyin street, it was the longest walk I have ever taken!. This was the pay-off for playing hero!

6 months after, we got hitched, and that was the happiest day of my life, well-maybe the second after the birth of my son Tayo. We moved to the UK where we lived for a couple of years. I had to travel back and forth so as not to become illegal. My wife is a British citizen and she didn’t have to travel the way I did. Everything seemed to be going well. Her Mother started calling her more often than before  and meddling/controlling her. She seemed to change by the day. One day, she called me  and said she wanted us all to be in one place, and that  she was never happy when I went away. She asked me to travel back to Nigeria so that I could regularise my stay in the UK. I agreed.

In March 2008, a night before my trip we made passionate love and talked about the short period i’d be away. We ended up crying in each others arms. The next day we had a quickie and off we went to the airport with teary eyes.

I didn’t expect to be in Nigeria for too long so I just took along a few shoes, t-shirts and jeans. It took me a few weeks to settle in and put my documents together for my settlement visa. Everything was set except the documents that my wife was to send.‎ I called her and updated her and reminded her of the documents she was to send. I didn’t hear her say OK. I repeated myself, thinking it was a bad connection. Apparently, she did hear. She just said “No, I can’t send those documents”.

I was too stunned to react. I thought it was a joke, but it wasn’t. I got a Lawyer to see if I could file without her documents but it was futile!

I didn’t understand then, but now I do. She didn’t want to change her status. She wanted the British Government to take care of her as a single Mother. She was down with my trips but when the possibility of her circumstances all changing became clear, she backed out! She loved the sex and the on and off attention of a man but wanted nothing more! Like a single married woman

She never gave me any reason for her action till today. She likes the life of a single Mother but in the event that she comes home to Nigeria, she wanted the respect of a married woman. She had played me!

Of course the marriage is over.


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I envision Hilda’s Shoulder to be a relationship park-a place you go to learn, vent and share. I have another understanding of the word relationship -I don’t think it is for people dating only. A marriage is a relationship too, and one which needs great rela- tions in the SHIP called home!
Hilda’s Shoulder is a place where we virtually hold hands like - real friends should. If you want to come anonymously...we understand ..still come! Hilda’s shoulder is here for you!


Dear Hilda, is for informational purposes only, does not constitute medical advice, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, mental-health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
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