It took me about 10 years to get with the program and accept her death was permanent
It took me another 10 years to be able to talk about her without suppressing a tear
For the first 3 years, I kept dreaming that She came back to say that she only wanted to see how I would hold fort
If I thought she was really dead
It was even harder letting go of her things
I still saw her belongings
As her belongings
We left all her clothes in her wardrobe and closet just as she’d done before
She went to the journey
Of the hospital
And never came back

It was hard very had
Dealing with her loss
When I’m in a situation
I sometimes her voice
Making a joke of it
As she used do
Or imagine rolling her eyes
Or frowning

The pain has lessened with time
But the remembrance Of her
Is as alive as my breathing

I have come to a quiet understanding
That to do things right
To get things done
To be the very best I can be
Is keeping her alive

I hope that wherever she is
If it is a dimension
That she can see me
But I cannot see her
I truly hope
She can see
Just how much
She was and is loved.


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I envision Hilda’s Shoulder to be a relationship park-a place you go to learn, vent and share. I have another understanding of the word relationship -I don’t think it is for people dating only. A marriage is a relationship too, and one which needs great rela- tions in the SHIP called home!
Hilda’s Shoulder is a place where we virtually hold hands like - real friends should. If you want to come anonymously...we understand ..still come! Hilda’s shoulder is here for you!


Dear Hilda, is for informational purposes only, does not constitute medical advice, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, mental-health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
By submitting a letter, you are agreeing to let Hildas Shoulder use it—in part or in full—and we may edit it for length and/or clarity.

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