My Marriage – A New Thing Part 2

My Marriage – A New Thing Part 2

I made up my mind not to let things go on the way they were. I didn’t have many friends so I ended up calling my Mother. As I had guessed, she told me I would get to used to him pretty soon. We got to my new home. He carried the suitcases out of the Uber that brought us from the Airport and put them in the foyer. He went straight to his room and I could hear his voice on the phone.

There was no food in the house. I went up to clean what would be our room. He got up and walked out as I came in. I hurried up with the cleaning and asked whether he was hungry. He put the phone away from his ear and asked “use your church mind, what do you think?” and continued his conversation. I tapped him on the shoulder and asked for some money to go to the market and also for the car keys. He stopped, cut his conversation, dropped the phone then looked at me and said, “How many hours have we been married and you’re already demanding money from me? I don’t have any. Don’t you have money of your own? And No, you can’t drive my car! Take a bike or Marwa like a normal woman”.

Quietly, I went to my suitcase. I hadn’t had time to sort out all the money we were sprayed at our wedding party. I took some notes and headed out for the market. I made dinner and we ate in silence.

I tried to get a job, but it wasn’t happening. I had some inheritance money from my Grandma but I could not access till I turned 40.

Months after, the cycle was the same. Our parents would visit and tease us ceaselessly about the grandchildren we were yet to have. He played the perfect host while they were there and went back to letting me handle all the chores alone, after they had left! All of this time he had not given me a dime or asked where I got the funds to put food on the table. I was near broke. I had exhausted the party money and was now drawing on my savings from NYSC. I had stomached his nonchalance and I desperately wanted us to be as we were before marriage.

One day just after dinner, I poured out my heart and said all that I’d bottled up inside and how I wanted us to be happy. He listened, snorted and said “okay”. Then he looked at me and said, ”I didn’t force you to marry me, you wanted this. Now, you have it. He got up and went away and as usual picked up his phone to call one of his friends.

I befriended an Ibo lady in the estate who had been married for a while and had children in the University. She was so full of life. She owned a supermarket. Naturally, I began to confide in her. She listened and always told me that she’d been seeing my husband in the estate for a while and that he wasn’t the womanizing type. “Aunty Amaka” as everyone called her, was always calm and reassuring. She made me want to give Kayode the benefit of doubt. Her husband ran a bakery next door to her store. He was always popping in to see his wife. He would tease her, give her a kiss or two and go back to the bakery. I longed to have their type of marriage. I felt like furniture.

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I envision Hilda’s Shoulder to be a relationship park-a place you go to learn, vent and share. I have another understanding of the word relationship -I don’t think it is for people dating only. A marriage is a relationship too, and one which needs great rela- tions in the SHIP called home!
Hilda’s Shoulder is a place where we virtually hold hands like - real friends should. If you want to come anonymously...we understand ..still come! Hilda’s shoulder is here for you!


Dear Hilda, is for informational purposes only, does not constitute medical advice, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, mental-health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
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