Loveless People

It’s amazing to me how this new generation have declined into a loveless people… I was in my second year at the University when I met tall, dark and handsome. Then, there were no mobile phones. There was NITEL (Nigerian Telecommunications Ltd) –they were the only telecommunications company then. That company supplied all the telephone lines in Nigeria. They also had calling booths in their various offices for the public to use. You’d have to buy a calling card if you needed to call home from school and you’d have to travel more or less to town, to get it. You would get there and find a long winding queue and many people would hear your conversation. Not until when the London styled red phone booths came out did, we have a semblance of privacy during our conversations.

Anyway, you get the idea. Having a boyfriend or girlfriend who was not in the same locality or state with you was tough. Very tough! I had an Uncle who was dating a Nigerian girl who lived in America. He used to come and wait by the phone every night at 8.00pm to receive her call. We all did this.

Back to tall, dark and handsome. When we were not reading in class or hanging out with our friends, we were together. It was a very romantic relationship indeed! We would both get really sad when we had to go home for holidays. We lived in two different states. We had a landline at home but his family didn’t, so we had no option but to write letters. You should have seen the letters… ahhh! His writing was neat, well paragraphed and practically had no spelling errors. He would draw hearts instead of writing the word.

I don’t know where love has gone these days… Young men intentionally seek out ladies phone numbers and chat with them on WhatsApp and then, if it works out, they get to meet. There’s not much wooing these days. They skip the “getting to know you” part real quick, and focus on whose Daughter the Lady is, or where she lives or how big a ‘chick” she is or what her standing in society is, and most of all what they can benefit from her. This goes for the Ladies too!

You don’t even hear the word “toaster” or “suitor” anymore .Many young men don’t hold hands, write poetry or go out of their way to make a woman feel special and loved! You hear “how much is it?”… I should imagine that the sex too will be tasteless, feel-less, loveless- wham bam, three bags full and thank you!. Then, we used to hear about couples swearing blood oaths not to be with other people. Even writers these days don’t use the word romance much .The girls too aren’t left out, many would meet a romantic guy that dotes on them (Bobo nice) and may even get irritated by him because he is not a “hard man”. They are tickled by a man that gives them a reason to fight.

Definition of Love by a new age Naija Girl

  1. Enough money in the bank.
  2. Buying her a car (with Driver).
  3. Paying for several expensive human hair.
  4. Shopping sprees within and outside Nigeria.
  5. Buying her a House (in her name) in any posh area.
  6. Taking care of all her “Bukata” which includes but is not limited to sending money to her parents and siblings every month, paying for the education of close and distant relatives, may include paying medical bills and house rent of her relatives from time to time.
  7. A man that has the “stuff” and knows how to use it.

Definition of Love by a new age Naija Guy

  1. Hopefully the girl is rich to give him money or if possible not ask him for any.
  2. A well defined body.
  3. A girl with good manners and speaks reasonably well.
  4. A girl that is clean and doesn’t smell “down in the area” and is domesticated.
  5. A girl that gives regular BJ’s and has no hang ups about where and when to do it.
  6. Regular kinky sex.
  7. Sex & Food.
  8. Sex.

No wonder weddings and divorces are many! So, when all is done –money has changed hands and the boudoir has been visited several times, what is else is there in the relationship or marriage, if there is no friendship, closeness, romance, hobbies or activities other than those at work or home?

If you have the answer or different opinion.I’d love to hear it, please send me an email at


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I envision Hilda’s Shoulder to be a relationship park-a place you go to learn, vent and share. I have another understanding of the word relationship -I don’t think it is for people dating only. A marriage is a relationship too, and one which needs great rela- tions in the SHIP called home!
Hilda’s Shoulder is a place where we virtually hold hands like - real friends should. If you want to come anonymously...we understand ..still come! Hilda’s shoulder is here for you!


Dear Hilda, is for informational purposes only, does not constitute medical advice, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, mental-health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
By submitting a letter, you are agreeing to let Hildas Shoulder use it—in part or in full—and we may edit it for length and/or clarity.

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