Are you expecting customer service in a Danfo?

I have been commuting by bus since 1996.

I have learnt some techniques that have ensured that I get a seat no matter how bad the rushing is.

Number 1, use your arm to block the next person beside you, by putting it on one of the seats inside and use bum to block whoever is beside you to your right.

Number 2, start screaming “dem don steal my bag o, Ole” Some people will fall for it and make way for you.
I assure you that you will get a seat anyhow.

Forget about being nice in a bus. The minute you get into the bus you should say “abeg make una shift” or you say “dress abeg” which means please move over that to make room for me to sit.

Make your face very strong do not laugh or smile at all during the trip otherwise the conductor will join your change with others when you get to your destination.

Always be gruff with the conductor. “Conductor wey my change??” “Gimme my change”. You can say this every 5 minutes or so that the guy knows you have no plans to leave your change for him.

Hiss, grunt and say “you dey craze?” if the conductor has the change in his hands but doesn’t want to part with it.

Never say thank you. Always scrutinize the change with your eyes before collecting the change, otherwise you will be given notes that no one will accept from you.

Before you get to your stop scream “your bus stop name and say Owa”.

In the same vein, don’t expect a greeting from a Conductor. Don’t expect him to be nice or say thank you. If you hear “Owo mi da?” It means please pay your fare.


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Dear Hilda, is for informational purposes only, does not constitute medical advice, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, mental-health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
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